“I thought that this was it, I thought I was through.”

It’s a difficult thing when the lies you tell yourself are stripped away. The family Le Blanc, now House Le Blanc, spoke long and lovingly of those who did what was necessary, even if it was difficult or distasteful. Sometimes the world is saved by the holy light of righteousness, and sometimes it is saved by a dirty dagger in the dark.

And here he was, in the dark and surrounded by many hands of the city. People in danger, people afraid, and many who are indifferent or past the point of feeling fear. All hands he wanted to put to work, if only it were clear how.

Teles’ own hands had been bloodied by what he had already accomplished, but now they had no strength. His mind had raced through the preparation beforehand, unhindered by doubt or fear. He started well, where had his resolve gone? The effort of staring through the bodies, choosing what to do and how to help in this grisly scene was possible, at least for a time.

But the creature was too hungry. Teles thought that he had known what wanting was, but this power wanted more than Teles had ever imagined. After almost an hour of grisly work, it faced him and spoke fear directly into his soul.

Teles’ heart quailed, and his mind reeled at what he heard. His only reply was to stop, to freeze, and to say “I thought that this was it. What more could I do?”

The long moment passed, and Teles was left alone with his shortcomings. A far cry from how he had imagined the moment, unchangeable now as it passed from fantasy to fact.

Henri says that we are not yet who we want to be. Is it a sin to pray that he is right?