Of Darkness and Hearts Divided

I stared at the little girl with gold ringlets sitting on my knee, she was a spitting image of her mother.
“Uncle Armand, why did the bad man take mommy?” Irinia asked me.
“He wanted to hurt me, sweet girl. He knows I love you all so much.”
“But you saved mommy and stopped the bad man!” She said with a huge smile on her face. “Uncle Armand is a hero!”

Uncle Armand is a hero. No I’m not. I am a villain through and through. A murderer and a thief and a torturer. A man who will do anything he needs to in order to secure his station.

“Maybe if you kill them all you won’t have to deal with this conflict.” It says with its oily voice. “Maybe you can embrace who you are. Who we are. Do it Armand, become one with me.”

I ignore the voice and stare at my niece, sitting there, innocence unshattered by countless lives staining her hands. What I would give to make sure she never feels what I feel, or make the decisions I have to make. What I will give.
“Are you going to kill the bad man, Uncle Armand?” She whispers quietly.
“I am. I will will protect all of you.”

I exit the small cabin into the brisk fall evening. How can I protect them if Alexis is still alive? What is he planning? It doesn’t matter. I will find him and I will do what I do best.
Uncle Armand is a hero.

Lady In Crimson

Glittering gold adorns the crimson dress sweeping the floor behind each confident step. Their skillfully-painted gaze cuts through the crowd and lands on mine – calm despite the chaos. I don’t recognize the fine fabrics nor the title, but I recognize the person wearing them. “Rollo,” I feel the overcast rime surrounding the black centers of my eyes tighten, pupils dilating at the confirmation – she does recognize me. It is her. “Come here. Now.”

My legs move on their own. I turn my face, hiding the deep purple bruise on that side. Poorly. She has my ear, “…Y-yes? …My Lady?”

“Go to my bedroom. My bed is against the wall,”

This is hardly the time, I think, but I’m very amenable to hearing them out.

“There’s a basket. Inside it is a pistol. Bring it to me.”

Ah. Well. “Yes, My Lady,” It’s easier to say it the second time. I run.

It is as described, and I gently pass the firearm to them as one might hand over a wolverine pup. I’m just grateful it didn’t go off in my hands on the way back to the tavern – who knows how those things work?

I’m offered further insight immediately, as now she is shooting a rushing branded man in the chest. I can’t help it – I jump at the sudden sound; the flash; the unexpected scent of cinders and blood. I gape, my tone both stunned and reverent, “…My Lady…!”

They stand there a moment, time suspended. I’m quick to recover and dare to touch her, “We have to run. Now,”

Ragnar Stoneskin – haggard, yes, but still undying – prevents us from running, which really cramps my style. Not all of us can be fearless and indestructible, after all. But we make it to a safer place and stand guard at the door.

After a moment (which may have been quiet if it weren’t for all of the branded slaughtering each other) and a crick in my neck from looking at the stars rather than their eyes beside me, I say what I’ve been gathering courage to all day long, “…So… My Lady?” How many offenses have I given? Behaving as though we were anywhere near equals?

“Yes,” she sighs.

“I’m sorry.” I say, “If I’d known, I would’ve…” Would’ve what? “This whole time–”

They stop me, or maybe I’d just forgotten all words and let the conversation wither enough that they step in to assist. I’ve given no offense, they say. I wasn’t meant to know. She is Lady Encarmine, but she is Esparei also.

I don’t know what I feel. A fearful guilt, certainly. Things I’ve said and done around them which I would never dare to do in front of nobility flock in my mind. A hopeful relief, as well. They ask me to come with them to their room to help them undress to a more crisis-suitable outfit.

In a moment her laces are in front of my face just like before. I tug at the tight ribbons. They turn so I can unclasp their busk. She says, “You know, I think I like you on your knees,”

The remark exorcises the tension from the room and I can’t help but smile, “You’re not the first person to say that to me,” I say. She knows.

Free from their corset, I stand and offer other aid. Knowing that this is not where my skills lay, I imagine, she asks me to stay safe. I worry for her. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she promises. And she leaves.

I stand alone, safe in the cabin, and I wonder – will the scent I wore to the masquerade linger in their mind like a ghost the way theirs does now in my own?

The Ghostkeeper’s Charge

The wooden wheels creaked as the cart rumbled over the broken earth. They would reach their destination soon, and Skarde’s grim work would begin. He needed to clear his mind so he could focus on memorizing the tales he would be told on the battlefield. He didn’t often get the opportunity to ask his subjects to repeat themselves. At least Tora had offered to drive the last stretch of road here.

Normally this kind of trip would have been perfect for getting him in the right headspace, Tora was a capable lover, No thoughts needed, just action, emotion, passion. The simple way. The good way. And Lady Callistra was so much fun to torment, he could tell she enjoyed herself, despite declining to join in. One day.

So why was Skarde feeling so unsatisfied?

Lady Callistra sighed softly in her sleep and shifted slightly, her head resting on Skarde’s shoulder. He had forgotten she was even there. Even with the movement, he found it hard to convince himself she was, there was an emptiness there at his side. Like something should be pressed up against him but wasn’t.

“Hear the tale of Fritjof, pack leader” Skarde whispered to himself. No, not quite right, he would have to keep working on it.

“We’re here!” Tora called from the driver’s seat, snapping Skarde back to the present. He suddenly realized the smell of blood hung heavy in the air, how had he not recognized it yet? Focus Skarde, focus. It was time for the Ghostkeeper to do his work.

-Simpleton-

The arena was empty when the squire arrived, pre-dawn, cold, clear, and crisp. Since the end of the contests and tournaments the roped off ground had been abandoned, save for a stray animal or two… and Tumble. His shirt, heavy armor, and tower shield piled in a corner, the squires bare chest steamed in the cold air as he slowly moved though the motions of a series of strikes and blocks. He couldn’t read the sword manuals he was trained from to save his life, but his instructor had drilled these lessons into him so hard it had penetrated even his thick skull.

His foot work slipped, and the strike was sloppy.
He dug in his heels and began again

And so, each morning, he practiced. With armor, without. With his shield, and without. Over, and over, and over again, until his breath burned and his arms ached, and his lungs felt like ice. He was no Ice Hardened, but he was the son of a Smith and a Farmer, used to the pre-dawn hours.

The callouses on his palms tore and the blood made the sword too slick to hold.
He bound his hands and began again.

Visions danced before as he worked. Images of horror he could never unsee, things he would never ever forget. Burning corpses rising again, shadowy spirits that crushed his mind with a word, blood drunk clansmen feasting on human flesh as they boasted about murder.

A hollow suit of armor and flowing cloak that mocked him for his simplicity. His… ordinary mortality.

His hips turned too slowly, the cut was weak and easily punishable.
He reset and began again.

Tumble drilled until his legs felt like frozen stumps and he couldn’t lift the heavy training blade anymore. Until the whispered jokes and jests and quiet laugher he had heard the last two days faded to the back on his mind. Until, mortal as he was, simple as he was, he had to stop and rest and watch the dawn break over the trees.

His breath in steaming clouds, he counts on his shield hand fingers:
“One: I will never take a human life”
“Two: I will never flee from the face of Evil.”
“Three: I will stand for those cannot stand for themselves”

Then he stands and begins again.

Apple blossom

Esparei had delayed unpacking for as long as possible. But she’d finally caved and put everything away carefully, every gown, every robe, all of her furs, her books, things that reminded her of Capacionne. She unpacked the portrait last- her family, in a dreamy pastoral scene, a smaller copy of the painting in their home in Beauclair. A tree laden with blossoms on an island that had never known a storm. Whole and perfectly preserved for all time. She couldn’t look at it for long. It hurt too much. It just made her think of…that night four years ago. There had been so much blood. And fire. And- no. Don’t dwell on it. She already couldn’t shake the image of Victor collapsing, bloody and shocked. She’d thrown up after, begging Rollo to help her out of her masquerade gown, nearly in tears as he helped her change into something easier to move in, so she could go help that reckless Njord.

Ragnar.
She looked at the red flowers on her desk, next to a little wooden figure painted crimson. Such sweet gestures, from a person who was so loud, so, so chaotic- the gentle nature of his gifts was jarring, almost. When he’d been stabbed in the tavern, when Victor had gone after him, she’d shielded his body with hers, unthinking. That’s what you do when you protect someone, right? Not just with words and titles. Not hiding away waiting for her grandfather to call her home.

A tree laden with blossoms on an island that had never known a storm. Until the storm came. And now…being able to speak openly about the coup with Saga had felt like a cork had been pulled from her soul and everything poured out in that moment. They knew. They’d heard terrible things. They listened when she said how important it was to serve the people you are responsible for. They told her the plight of the Njords, of the suffering and the harsh, unyielding land they fought so hard to preserve. And it made her heart ache. She wanted to talk to Vernon more too, she’d felt so guilty for ruining her atonement. She wanted to tell Svanhildr everything. She wanted to hug Ragnar- he gave such good hugs, like nothing could happen and she was safe, if only for a moment. That comfort meant a lot when she was painfully homesick and lonely.

A tree, stripped bare by the storm. But still living.
A Lady, alone.

-Too Big, Just Right-

Willam Smith looked at the stranger in the polished copper mirror, dressed in fine boots and homespun clothes under a worn gambeson and armor that was anything but shining. He lifted one arm the stranger followed in lock step, metal plates rubbing and clinking together with the simple movements. A slow spin in place and a rolling of the shoulders produced a sound like a coin purse being aggressively shaken and Tumble couldn’t help but chuckled at himself. All dressed up like a maid at her first barn dance and twice as nervous.

A shield sat in the corner of his small room, stoically guarding the corner with zealous fervor, his sister’s painting scrawled across the front. He still wasn’t sure where she got the paints, and he wasn’t going to ask either. The white wings and knight’s golden helmet were straight from one of their childhood fairy tales, the kind of knight who slew monsters, who saved princesses and nobles, whos armor gleamed like noonday sun. Again, Tumble stared at the stranger in the mirror and the too-big armor it wore.
He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and recalls what his father told him when he first helped his son into the thick cloth and metal plates. When Willam had expressed concern over the size of the armor, worried it would be too big for him. But his father had seen the true issue, the anxiety over being a squire, of the responsibility of being the first Smith to leave the farm in several generations, of being the first son to leave Murten in an age.
Roain Smith’s response was the same to all worries, spoken and unsaid

“You’ll grow into it.”

Calculations of an Apothecary

“I was told you were the man to see.” A burly njord squeezes himself sideways through Helgi’s small door. Helgi scowls for only a moment before adopting his pleasant smile reserved for dealing with brutes. This man was trouble, but also in need. Trouble and opportunity so often come hand in hand, he mused.

“And who told you such things?” Helgi prepared some tea and gestured to his sturdiest bench as a seat.

“That doesn’t matter, can I trust your discretion?”

“Of course, if you trust your friend’s referral then you can trust me as well. If you don’t, then feel free to leave before wasting my tea.” A light jab, test the ice, how desperate is the brute.

The brute scowls but shrugs and takes the tea. Good, he’s committed. Such a small step, but it’s a step over the line. “I need to kill a man.” He reveals, looking at the floor. Yes there it is. But he feels guilty. No, ashamed.

“And you cannot challenge him directly. So you come to me. You need something slow, so that you will not be there when he dies?” The man nods at the floor. “Tell, me why do you want him dead?”

“What does it matter?”

“I have my rules.”

The man pulls at his face. Tired eyes finally meet Helgi’s piercing gaze. “He killed my father. Then when my brother challenged him he killed my brother as well. I cannot face him in the challenge, but I must avenge them.”

Helgi nods, “And why did he kill your father?”

Eyes to the floor again. His tea grows cold, still untouched. “In battle. my father was raiding his homestead.”

Helgi’s scowl returned to stay. “And does he have children?”

“… No.” The pause was too long.

“How many children does he have?”

The man eyes burn a hole in the floor. “Two.”

“And a wife?”

“Yes”

“Twenty silver.”

The man looked up in surprise. “Why…?” He falters.

“You need four doses.”

A Wrong Thing for a Right Reason

I haven’t even slept overnight before Haxl comes to me. My hands have only known my own pockets since entering the Lord Saenger’s service – and I intended for that to remain the case – but when she explains her story, my heart tugs with a camaraderie it hasn’t since my life in the Rimeland. She doesn’t ask for anything not rightfully hers, wrongfully taken from her, and I find her request difficult to refuse.

I wait until after convocation and out from under the eyes of the Gothics’ Lion God to pinch her necklace from the guardsman. Can someone do a wrong thing for a right reason?

We end up sitting and simply talking together for a moment under the smokey, fire-mage moon. An ominous omen, but beautiful when filtered through the black pines and shared with a fellow. I’ll admit to a touch of pride at her surprise to discover I’d slipped the trinket into her pocket in passing.

She assures me she’ll be alright without the coins she offers in return. “We have to look out for each other,” she says. I trust my lord to take care of my needs and yet… I hope our paths cross again.

Contention, Contentment

Rage boiled inside Luqa as the skald reiterated what he had said in the tavern. A ritual of Jorg? The inquisitor lied to my face. I came before him, I offered to swear to whatever he asked to keep a secret, I begged him for the truth of the matter, and he lied to my face and said the ritual was not of the old Gods. What else was a lie then? Obviously his claim that Rolf’s lionization wasn’t manipulative couldn’t be trusted.
“So you let him die for no reason then?”
Luqa’s blood ran cold. I wasn’t sure if it was from the unexpected comment from the Djinn in my mind, or because the Djinn was absolutely correct. The main thing that had kept me from performing the ritual of Sveas was the reassurance that there was another way. But Jorg, Sveas? What was the difference? None that I could see. Rage.
“You know, perhaps I can help?”
Luqa needed to meditate. “Over here Luqa!”, but father asher was calling him back to his duties. I was still supposed to be guarding the inquisitor, despite the jaunt into the woods. No meditation, no breath, no water. Only rage.
“You only have to ask me, i’ll take care of your problems, just let me free Luqa”
Luqa gritted his teeth, subconsciously going into a combat stance. “Point your damn spear upward Sharaqyn!” Captain Sinclair’s harsh words snapped me back to the present as i apologize and move away from the cappacian.
“Fine, then this one’s on me. Don’t say i’m not looking out for you young master”
Luqa barely had time to process the Djinn’s words before he saw the deer. Then the captain and the inquisitor saw the deer. Rage. Did he give in to what the Djinn obviously wanted? What did the Djinn gain? Time seemed to stretch infinitely, why was Asher’s back still turned? What was so mesmerizing about a damn deer in the woods?
“Or don’t take the shot i guess, if you really want to be alive for nothing…”
The flash of steel. a cry of pain. Blood. The purest cycle of time, spilling out onto the ground, again.

“Let me help quiet your mind at least”, Striga was obviously a hardened individual. It was unclear whether that was something to do with their personality, their scar, or simply the world around them. But that just made it all the more touching when they moved to join me on the floor, forsaking the much more comfortable chair to be eye level with a criminal. “When you think of home, what comes to mind?” I wasn’t sure, then, somewhere deep inside, I heard the soft burbling laugh of my mother, long forgotten from ages past. “My mother” i managed to choke out. “Ok, then just focus on my voice. Close your eyes. Imagine home, a quiet desert in winter, soft and smeared like pastels.” I closed my eyes, and tried to quiet my heart. The rage was gone, the fear of death was gone. I was left empty. “Think of an oasis, there is no wind, the water is still, the trees don’t move. Just you and your mother, in perfect calm” Try as i might, the peace would not come. When I closed my eyes, I just saw the disappointed face of Sister Solace telling me that she would execute me in the morning. No apology, no chastisement. She had already shut him out of her heart. “Just hold that love and peace in your heart. Breath.”
When striga told Luqa to breath, it all clicked. I looked back into their eyes. “Breath. Blood. Heart.” the tears were bursting forth as I spoke at this point, what had I done? “The purest cycle. Each breath, each heartbeat, a new circle” I had to break it. My breath was about to end, but if my cycle was ending, then there was another cycle that too should end.

A flash of steel.
A cry of pain.
Blood, my cycle this time, pouring out onto the ground.
“Djinn. Reveal the inquisitor’s true nature, and your wish is granted”

The cycle ends

Upon waking-

The day before Striga left town had been a busy, unseasonably warm one. Their workroom stank, even over the incense they’d lit, the reek of dead flesh permeated everything. But the work was almost done- they leaned over the body they were cleaning, gently scraping under the nails with a fine brush. The door creaked. Striga paused. They could hear soft footsteps, the clink of a chain, and a polite, awkward pause-
“Spit it out, I’m busy.”
“Striga-”
They turned to face Brother Howe, a tall, red-faced man all in white, wearing an expression of slight disapproval.
“What do you need, Brother?”
“Must you be rude, my child?”
Striga wiped their hands on a rag and reached for the packet of thin cigars they kept tucked in their belt.
“Sorry. It’s been a long day and I’m working alone, mum’s stomach, you know-”
The priest nodded.
“When she’s anxious, there’s no helping it. I understand. I- Striga, she told me some things. Things I should like to discuss with you. I will not deny I am worried, child.”
His eyes moved over the ugly marks on their face and neck. Striga turned away so he couldn’t see, exhaling a cloud of vaguely herbal-smelling smoke in the direction of the body.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m fine. Honest. It’s just nightmares.”
“Sleepwalking?”
“People do that sometimes.”
Brother Howe made an exasperated noise.
“I’m not trying to fuck with you, Brother. But it’s really not something to worry about. I’m just overworked.”
“I don’t believe you. But I won’t force you to tell me.”
He gave her arm a gentle squeeze.
“Your family is worried about you. Walk in the light, child.”
Then he was gone, before they could deflect again. Striga finished their cigar, staring at the half-washed body on the table, lost in thought.

The door creaked.
“Brother, I told you-”
“It’s wrong to lie, little witchling.”
“What-”
They turned. Brother Howe was in the doorway, but he looked…wrong. His eyes were wet, black pits, his nose a tattered ruin, his mouth full of broken teeth and a red, red tongue. His priest’s vestments were filthy. And his hands- claws, reaching for them.
“But you’d never lie to me, would you? We know everything about each other, witchling, come-”
They moved, so the table was between them and the not-Howe. And it stared. Grimaced. Lunged forward, mouth agape-

Striga jerked awake, hands scrabbling for something to throw.
“Easy there!”
They rubbed their eyes. Faces swam into view- the farmer who’d let them sleep in their barn, his wife and children. They all looked scared. Of them.
“Sorry…sorry…bad dream…”
“You sure?”
Striga nodded, reaching for their boots. The family didn’t look reassured.
“How far is Runeheim from here again?”
“Handful of days, if you stay off the main roads.”
“Good.”