The Distance From Paradise

I have no idea what is happening to me. I apparently spend my nights wide awake, dealing with unsavory types and promoting crime. I have no recollection of these events and have only seen the truth of them through the help of Brother Erasmus. He is a kind man, and has been a beacon of hope for the future of the church. Unfortunately, we have not yet been able to fix this issue, nor discover its roots. I have my suspicions, as does Clemens and Sir Knut, but we do not know for sure. Was it that odd crater, or is it something deeper in me? Is it related to this urge I feel and fight, the one I’ve had since that day in the wilderness with the Hollow Song raiders? I have to accept what I saw and did there broke me irreversibly and there is only one way to satiate it, and it is unlikely to be the source of my night time wanderings. What am I doing to satisfy that urge when I should be sleeping? Who am I hurting? How am I violating justice? One person I know has contact with my other self, and that’s the doddering peasant Gor. His unassuming, simple demeanor has to be a mask, and I will break it. I will find him, and I will find out what it is I’m doing, and who else is involved. We will fix this and I will do my duty to Runeheim and House Dragomir, and most importantly, to my dear friends. Clemens, Sir Knut, Sigi, Thadeus, and God rest his soul, Viktor. I haven’t done right by The Grey Company by placing this burden upon them, and the settlement as a whole. I only pray that I can break this curse or whatever it is before someone I care for is hurt.

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