Treading Water

There comes a point where you stop treading water and you just resolve yourself to sinking. The weight of the sword on your hip and the thousand squabbles pull you below the surface. For the briefest moment you hesitate, you consider just not anymore. Your head slowly slips below the water and the noise stops.
In actuality the noise continues it’s just muffled and this is all just some shitty metaphor I’ve attempted to spin myself while laying listening to Alphonse snore.

I don’t have any answers for any of our problems and I have reached the point where, if I am being honest, I don’t want to have the answers to these problems. I don’t want anyone to say the words, ‘Cadence what do I do?’ Because in the words of Isabel, there are no good solutions. Would you like blue shit or purple shit? It’s still shit but I can certainly choose the color for you.

No! The sword doesn’t have answers either! I don’t just march step to some dead person in a talking sword. Has it led me astray so far? No. But you never really know who’s voice is in your head and I wasn’t born yesterday. And that hunk of metal has zero answers, it literally said, I don’t know what you should do.

I drew my lines in the sand and passed the torch to Isabel… and I feel immense guilt. I know she doesn’t have answers either but I just can’t anymore. I am not a priest, I’m not a spiritual leader, I am the sword hand of the church and for the briefest moment I resigned myself to only that. I do not have a solution that isn’t death. Ours, theirs, hers, its. And everything but my own death doesn’t feel righteous. It feels… I don’t know… fucking awful?

I am filled with anger and frustration. I’m tired of broken promises and compromises. I am tired of being the better person.

I am so, tired. And I’ve realized, when I am tired, the façade falls away and all that’s left is immense hatred.

So I sit and imagine my head sinking beneath the water. Letting the water fill my lungs with nothing left to worry about… until I see Isabel’s tears. Feel Marinette’s head on my shoulder.

I kick and gasp for air above the water.

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